Best Show Ever

So, there has been a lot of talk on our blog about the NBA as of late, a few feathers have been ruffled and it is all in good fun. Now to a much more serious topic: T.V. I am slightly ashamed to admit it, but I love America's Funniest Home Videos (AFV to us hard-core fans). I honestly can't wait until 6:30 on Sunday nights when I can kick back, relax, and watch people get nailed in the groin in the most creative ways. There is one particular segment of the show that I find the most humorous, and that is the famous music montage portion. For those few minutes of the week I cannot breathe, I begin to tear up, and Jessi has to change the channel before I soil myself. For those of you not in tune with AFV, here is just a sample of the Greatest Show on Earth:

my own NBA post

hate [heyt]
-verb
to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest

synonyms:
loathe, execrate, despite, abhor, detest

This is how I feel about the Lakers. I hate them. I hate Kobe. I hate the coach. I hate Odom. I hate everything about their stupid team. I wish eternal diarrhea and pecker malfunction on all of them. And this is not because they're kicking the trash out of the Jazz. It's because they're a horribly arrogant and over-rated team. My vote is Clippers over Lakers any day of the week.

Now that I have expressed my disdain for the team of Satan, I would like to make a proposal. I would like the following NBA players to all play for the Lakers so that instead of having to hate several teams, I could harness my extreme and utter loathing to one team. So, in no particular order:

And of course they would have to retain kobe, fisher, and walton. I'd be willing to let some of the current Lakers off the team, like Odom, for example, but not many. This new Lakers line up could also double as the official NBA Fugly team, too...far superseding Matt's line up in a previous post (except Fisher-I don't like him, but he's not ugly).


Thank you.

Have a wonderful day.

Round 1-Jazz Vs. Lakers

It appears that the wheels have fallen off the Jazz in the past few weeks. They were sitting in prime spot to pluck up the no. 6 spot in the West or at least the no. 7 until their late season face-plant to the number 8 spot. Great. Not looking too good going into the playoffs, right? So here I am to break down the first round match up for you all, enjoy!

First category, Moustaches.

Jazz: If there is one thing I was hesitant about this season with the Jazz, it would be the lack of moustaches on the team. There are only 2 on the whole team, Knight (fairly weak, pencil 'stache) and Brewer (usually a milk moustache). The only real solid performer the Jazz have is assistant coach Phil Johnson.

Lakers: They have two main stars in this category, the infamous Adam Morrison and the head coach Phil Jackson. I really think it is a toss up between the two teams but the fact that I saw this picture of Phil Jackson in his early days put it over the top:

The man is wearing a belt with his gym shorts. Lakers take this one by a mile. 

Second category, Tattoos. 

Jazz: Their heavy hitters are who you would expect, Williams and Boozer. Both have multiple tattoos, both are just as ridiculous. If they only had someone with a neck tattoo, man, that would really help their chances this post season. 

Lakers: Shannon Brown has some pretty cool artwork on his arms, but the winner by a mile is Luke Walton. He has 4 dancing skeletons on his bicep, no doubt an homage to the Grateful Dead. 

This is actually a close call, but the winner is the Utah. Mainly because Greg Ostertag used to play for them, and he had Fred Flintstone dunking a basketball on his calf. Not to mention he has a beautifully sculpted legs. 

Final category, Grateful Dead references. 

Jazz: Utah is mentioned in multiple Dead songs, among them one of the best, Friend of the Devil. Fantastic song, but is it enough to clinch the first round for the Jazz?

Lakers: Not only is California mentioned in a lot of there songs, they have one named after the City in which the Lakers reside, West L.A. Fadeaway. This song does not lend it's self to the casual pop music fan, but it is for that reason it is so good. Busting out that cool voice changer thing really makes this a strong contender. 

The winner of the final round and ultimately the first round of the playoffs is....the Utah Jazz. Sure Jerry Garcia was supposedly "born" in San Fransisco, and could be seen taking bong hits just outside of Kareem-Abdul Jabbar's residence. But the Beach Boys played a concert at Lagoon. Is it really up for debate?

That is it. My first round projections are in the books. Stay tuned for my MLB updates around the All-Star break. 

It's that time of year again...

That's right folks, it is time for the NBA Playoffs! With the playoffs comes my first installment of the NBA All-Ugly team. In order to qualify you have to have to have been on an NBA roster in the 2008-2009 season and be horribly ugly. Without further introduction, I give you Matt's official NBA All-Ugly starting 5:

At center Chris Kaman. He is 7'0" 260 and no doubt the pride of Grand Rapids. 

Starting for us at Power forward, 7' 0" from Spain, Pau Gasol. Even though he plays for the Lakers, he started his career with the Grizzlies...kind of makes me wonder if really ugly people  are associated with losing. I am thinking so.

 

Our starting guard, 6'7" from Coatesville, PA, Rip Hamilton. In all honesty not a real ugly dude, but something about that face mask just makes me giggle.

The starting 2 guard (and really a no-brainer pick), from Glendive, MT, Adam Morrison. I don't necessarily think he is a super ugly guy, but every other person on this list I had to hunt around a little bit to find ugly pictures, not Adam. He looks like a molester or high on Meth in every photo ever taken of him. I am even a supporter of the American Moustache Institute, but he just puts the 'stache to shame.

Starting point guard, Sam Cassell. Enough said.

And the captain of the All-Time All-Ugly team. Popeye Jones. Although he retired in '03, he is still at the top of his game in my book.

I hope you have enjoyed this installment of my All-Ugly team, I was going to but Dirk Nowitzki on there just because Jessi absolutely HATES him (but she calls him Burt Navinski). But there is just too much talent right now in the NBA, maybe next year.

hoppy easter

here's to hopin' that someone packs the right stuff in my easter basket (you know who you are...)

yes please

i would L-O-V-E LOVE some of this:

but am being forced to settle for this:

i guess the fact that there are like 1000 less calories and 30 less grams of fat should put a smile on my face...and other parts that will refrain, at least for today, from being a little less dimpley.

Newest member of the family

So as many of you know, I like to bike. Road biking, mountain biking, commuting to work via bike. I love it all. Last winter I built up a single speed mountain bike and love it. This winter I was able to liquidate a lot of my assets (extra cycling shoes, crash pad, ski pack, etc.) and was able to squirrel away enough cash to buy a new steed. Thus I introduce you to our new baby boy (I am calling him Timothy for the time being, but the name is still up for debate):

He is such a handsome little boy, and both Jessi and I are so excited to have him in our lives (not so much Jessi). We will never be the same. May your life bring joy to all that you touch. Godspeed.