It appears that the wheels have fallen off the Jazz in the past few weeks. They were sitting in prime spot to pluck up the no. 6 spot in the West or at least the no. 7 until their late season face-plant to the number 8 spot. Great. Not looking too good going into the playoffs, right? So here I am to break down the first round match up for you all, enjoy!
First category, Moustaches.
Jazz: If there is one thing I was hesitant about this season with the Jazz, it would be the lack of moustaches on the team. There are only 2 on the whole team, Knight (fairly weak, pencil 'stache) and Brewer (usually a milk moustache). The only real solid performer the Jazz have is assistant coach Phil Johnson.
Lakers: They have two main stars in this category, the infamous Adam Morrison and the head coach Phil Jackson. I really think it is a toss up between the two teams but the fact that I saw this picture of Phil Jackson in his early days put it over the top:
The man is wearing a belt with his gym shorts. Lakers take this one by a mile. Second category, Tattoos.
Jazz: Their heavy hitters are who you would expect, Williams and Boozer. Both have multiple tattoos, both are just as ridiculous. If they only had someone with a neck tattoo, man, that would really help their chances this post season.
Lakers: Shannon Brown has some pretty cool artwork on his arms, but the winner by a mile is Luke Walton. He has 4 dancing skeletons on his bicep, no doubt an homage to the Grateful Dead.
This is actually a close call, but the winner is the Utah. Mainly because Greg Ostertag used to play for them, and he had Fred Flintstone dunking a basketball on his calf. Not to mention he has a beautifully sculpted legs.
Final category, Grateful Dead references.
Jazz: Utah is mentioned in multiple Dead songs, among them one of the best, Friend of the Devil. Fantastic song, but is it enough to clinch the first round for the Jazz?
Lakers: Not only is California mentioned in a lot of there songs, they have one named after the City in which the Lakers reside, West L.A. Fadeaway. This song does not lend it's self to the casual pop music fan, but it is for that reason it is so good. Busting out that cool voice changer thing really makes this a strong contender.
The winner of the final round and ultimately the first round of the playoffs is....the Utah Jazz. Sure Jerry Garcia was supposedly "born" in San Fransisco, and could be seen taking bong hits just outside of Kareem-Abdul Jabbar's residence. But the Beach Boys played a concert at Lagoon. Is it really up for debate?
That is it. My first round projections are in the books. Stay tuned for my MLB updates around the All-Star break.
1 comments:
dude whatever you gotta do to make yourself feel better about the Lake Show not even skipping a beat and marching right through the Jazz..... again. And for a fun adventure, I highly recommend going to a Jazz/Laker playoff game at the ESA wearing a bright yellow Lakers jersey. I did it 2x last year and making it out alive is one of my proudest accomplishments.
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