wanna be a wiener?

i "won" on my sister-in-laws blog and the catch was that i have to reciprocate.  

so here's the deal: 

leave a comment in the next couple days and then i will randomly select three lucky winners who will "win" a homemade present from me.  and for all you people laughing to yourself, knowing how un-crafty i am, well, let's see you laugh when you don't get whatever bitchin thing i make!!!

i'll tally and let you know if you won on Monday morning.  

don't let the suspense kill you between know and then.

xxoo

oh Charley

Dear Mr. Horse,

You must not realize how much I value my sleep, or, if you do, you are quite inconsiderate and rude.  Whatever the case may be, I would greatly appreciate if you would stop bothering me in the wee hours of the morning.  My legs can't take anymore of your spasm causing ways, and if it happens again, my whispers of 'ouch, ouch, ouch' will turn into horrendous roars loud enough to wake the city.  I've heard that calcium will keep you away, so I'll start taking a Tums before bed.  Should you show your ugly face again, though, beware: I may be pregnant, but I can still kick ass.

Yours truly,

Jessi and her calves

Hittin' the slopes and Livin' the dream

What do these two things have in common? One might think that when you are skiing on weekdays while all of the other suckers are at work, you would be "Livin' the Dream". False. These are both phrases I cannot stand. There is one guy I work with and every time I ask him what's going on he inevitably replies,"Livin' the dream!" I feel like squeezing his eyeballs with my thumb and forefinger every time I hear someone say that. It is very irritating. Everyone has pet peeves; Jessi hates me when I make any sort of noise (eating, breathing heavily, reading really loud, etc) I hate it when people say they are hitting the slopes. I would like to kick their knees when they say that. Just a couple of things I would like to get off of my chest. Those are pretty much the only things I hate in the whole world, so not too bad. Oh, and I hate awards shows, grammys, oscars, espys, golden globes. I hate them so bad I didn't even capitalize them in the previous sentence, or use proper grammar when referring to them. Take that hollywood.

On to news of the awesome. I was having my time robbed by one of my favorite blogs this morning, and I stumbled onto this beauty, take a look:

That's right Ladies and Gentlemen, this is a sleeping bag that is a bear. Not 100% sure if it is a real bear or not. I would be willing to doubt it...still dope though. This message has been brought to you by Matt, I don't post often so I feel the need to clarify. As if the short sentences and misspelled words didn't make you wonder.

Houston...

we have movement!  that's right folks, two days after my ultrasound, i felt the first (of many) "real" kicks...or jabs...or punches.  it was super cool and, according to matt, it "blows that anatomy ultrasound out of the water!"  so, there you have it.

no other news to report, other than my debit card seems to be as excited as i am about the baby...ie: it's been swiped so many times i'm surprised it hasn't caught fire. not really, but i have been doing a little shoppin!

and the verdict is...

voodoo lady was WRONG-O! it's a...

girl!

i thought for sure that it was going to be a boy, simply because of my bathroom encounter and everyone's guesses...should've listened to my intuition, i guess.  regardless, she's healthy and measuring right on schedule, which is the most important part. my parents were down for the ultra sound, and i'm pretty sure my doctors office will change their policy on allowing family members in...let's just say my mom was...excited! she kept saying, "she's the most beautiful girl i have ever seen." it was pretty funny. i think matt was in shock in the corner (or was drowned out by my mom's screams of joy), i couldn't stop smiling, and my dad was the quiet observer of it all. good times, good times.

after the ultrasound/doctors appointment, we went to the mall and bought a few things to celebrate, and then went to the cheesecake factory. we had heard mixed reviews, but decided to try it out (my eyes were bulging out of my head with hunger--it was that, or eat the lamp post), and were pleasantly surprised. so, there you have it! we're super excited.

eureka!

after 18 months being "lost," i FINALLY found my wonderfully cool and unique Frank Gehry Fossil watch that Matt gave me for my birthday:

exhibit A:

i only had it for a month before we went to alaska, where i thought it met its fate. turns out i had stashed it in my laptop bag...which i hardly ever use, let alone clean out. thanks to this pregnancy "nesting" thing, though, i got in the groove and organized what will the baby's room...and found it! hooray.

karmel what?

My new, favoritest thing in the world. If you are, as I once was, a Karmel Sutra virgin, you MUST go buy some...immediately. It really is that good.

if you read this, matt, pick some up on your way home!!!

me and jack

...no, not daniels (don't i wish?!).  i'm talking about jack black.  let me back up.  today is my first day wearing the stretchy pants.  you know, the stretchy, panel pants that, while providing comfort, also strip you of any fashion fiber you thought you had.  yes, today i have befriended the panel, and only when going to the bathroom, when i have to unroll it, do i feel like jack black. you see, we have the same belly, circa nacho libre (one of my favs).  feast on jacks belly pic...cause i sure as anything holy am not posting one of my own.  at least not without blue spandex and big, red underpants (a mental image unsuitable for the weak stomached).

niagra what?!

so, perhaps the only people who will fully enjoy this post are matt (the husband) and greg (the brother in law), as they frequent the backcountry.com blog...but, when matt called me in the computer room last night to show me the following, i knew it was just too good to keep to myself.  

disclaimer: 

the following is not for the tender spirited person (ie: if you don't know what a 'taint' is, don't read it)

...i can't get the link to work, so go to www.taintpaint.com for the goods...

enjoy!

violated

here's how it all began:

i was in the bathroom for what felt like the 72nd time that day, and was washing my hands before going back to work. the only other person in the bathroom was our building janitor, which i thought nothing of. she's this cute, round, short little woman who doesn't speak very much english, but is so nice and friendly. seeing my burgeoning belly, she asked how far along i was and if i knew what i was having. when i told her that i wouldn't find out for a couple more weeks, she started walking towards me, put my hands down at my side, and proceeded to rub, poke, and push on my belly and chest (okay, not my boobies). this went on for like five minutes. i was waiting for her to start beating her chest and chanting, casting some voodoo spell on my little parasite, when she looked up and said, 'it's going to be a boy.' i smiled, told her i would tell her after my ultrasound, and got the hell out of there. now i avoid her and her belly touching ways now, most often turning and walking in the other direction if i see her. crazy old lady...

if it's true i'm seriously going to have a priest bless my baby. sheesh.